Why the world doesn’t know what to do with single women.
“You’re so pretty. Why aren’t you with someone?”
Yah, I’m sure you’ve heard that one before. I have - plenty of times.
It used to make me feel guilty, as if the way I lived wasn’t appropriate enough for the questioner — because we all know that a woman without a partner is like a car with two wheels.
Mmhm. Trade that thing in for a motorcycle!
You can be wonderful — and be single. You can be pure partner potential — and be single. You can move, stay put, take a lover or hang out with your friends. You can join a convent, follow a cult or start a business. That’s the beauty of this particular time in our evolution. Women have full autonomy in America and many countries.
Who knows how long it will remain. Take advantage of it!
We can do whatever we want. Marry, stay single, be polyamorous, celibate or monogamous. We can open a zillion credit cards and buy a house in our own name.
Do you know how many women longed for our lives?
Living apart together? I invented it!
Some clients are genuinely terrified when the Hermit shows up. They think it indicates that the rest of their lives will be lonely and depressed, reflected in the marriage they are presently in — but can’t admit.
I understand the silent judgment they fear: family gatherings, sitting alone at a restaurant, etc.
Why isn’t she with someone? What’s wrong with her? She’s so pretty and personable!
Often it’s women who give these judgments. Some project their own wishes on the single woman — who may or may not share their view of what consists of a “good” life — because they are frightened of becoming that woman.
Yah know, single and alone. Oh no!
If there’s any indication from numerous sessions over the years, it’s not single clients who are unhappy. It’s the married ones.
Thank the Goddess for the younger generation. When I visited a college town earlier this month, the (who knows what gender) kid showed me to an outdoor table.
I wish more people did this, they said.
What? Eat alone? I replied.
Yah! I love it but not many people do.
I smiled. They are probably afraid to be alone. I love it. Tacos and a new book. What could be better?
As I looked around, it made my heart happy to see people engaged in conversation, rather than mute and silent over their phones. I was the only single person at a table and didn’t mind it at all. Living in NYC offered many years to grow comfortable as a single woman in a restaurant. It also provides ample opportunity to catch the looks that women give me — and at times, I wonder whether it’s envy or fear as they sit with their companion, often hunched over a phone. I read people’s energy pretty well — I mean, it’s kinda my job — and I’d say most of the time, they’re feeling out what it would be like to be me.
Single. Alone. Happy. Confident. Fully present.
Women need examples like me to float into their lives. There is another way now.
Happy in any circumstance. Living apart together. Single. Alone. Married. Coupled.
I’m never really alone. Ravens grok around the sunbeams, circling a chicken hawk on the eddies. A baby rabbit and box turtle wish me a good morning from the meadow. My hummingbirds swoop and click around the yard, posturing like only a bird the size of a finger can do. The bees hum, the cat sits under the chair and I have a day of unexpected but never unplanned encounters, lunch and books ahead as the heat rises.
I am no longer the woman distressed over the failure of not being in a forever relationship, despite my physical looks and accomplishments. The one and forever relationship I needed was with this being called Raven — and though I have wonderful friends, I accept that loneliness on Earth is part of the ride.
I am beyond the judgement once held against myself. Why? I accept that Raven is built differently than trad wives but we all hold an important place here. Lord knows, I’m sure I was a WIFE or HUSBAND in many, many lives.
Time for something different, world!
(Note: I use “Raven” annoyingly in the 3rd person at times because I am beyond Raven as an eternal, ageless being — but I sure love that persona of mine. She’s my fav, so far! :)
I’ve driven enough miles and heard enough stories that
very few have happily ever after relationships on Earth, whether through death, divorce, diverging sexuality, etc
the majority will divorce once kids are near/out of the house or they hit menopause — because they can
They may even have a modicum of happiness. That’s the biggest conundrum. Not miserable enough. Happy-ish, yet discontent. Not a bad life. Not a great one, either!
There is so much more.
I wish we could just give ourself a break — especially women — and admit that it’s okay that souls want to experience different flavors in a life, rather than be weighted down by stupid religious, family or self-judgments.
It’s all coming to an end real soon, anyway.
So, they’ll call me (women and men) to explore a hypothetical path in session, one with themselves in mind, now the kids and marriage are outgrown. I help them find the confidence to be fully themselves in a world that hasn’t quite caught up yet. The irony is that as they move into another level of freedom, I will eventually join with a spouse and experience their lives to a certain extent.
Granted, living apart together of course (already have the studio design in mind!)
That life couldn’t have come any sooner for me and actually worked out, despite judgments on what I “should” have done then. Anyone who knows me understands that I don’t do shoulds, nor be told how to live my life. Not any longer.
I am freedom, more than constriction. I am experience, more than convention.
In other words, I had things to learn on my own — including how to sit and be happy in a restaurant.
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