When marriages fall apart.
The one thing clients need during this time.
The minute a client calls — especially if they book a session after many years away — I can tell from the tenor of their voice that we will talk about their marriage and impending divorce. For good measure, I pull a card from the Prism Oracle to clarify their emotional state so that I can prepare for the ups and downs that they will inevitably express.
When the shock of a divorce is fresh and new, it will only be a minute or so before my client starts to cry. Generally, they are women who then apologize and I say, You never have to be sorry to express your emotions. Release is really important here.
Many, many clients have arrived for sessions over the last three years to get help with a divorce, which finally popped from the pressure cooker of the shutdown, empty nest, financial issues or just plain, ol’ misery. The majority are women in their 30s-50s with children, though there were a few men who were ready to move on.
None were skipping merrily through the forest, excited for what was to come. 100% of them were terrified, regardless of wealth, job and external construction — or if they were the breaker or bearer of the bad news. No one escapes the Wheel of Fortune.
I just need hope, they’ll say. Will I get through this? What will happen to me? Where will I live? Will my kids hate me? Will I have enough money? Will I date again? I just need some hope.
Hope.
They don’t ask so much about the practical — lawyers, accountants, assets, child support. They know that will require attention soon enough. It’s the shock of the change — the one they wanted, didn’t want, hoped for and avoided — the Tower that says, Your life will never be the same from this point on.
That’s why they call me. Though I have great empathy over the suffering client who cries on the phone, I can already connect to their future self — the one laughing and free a few years from where we sit. As you can imagine, I have to be careful not to push this future self on them — the one they are not ready to receive. Yet.
An intuitive session is a balancing act with those facing the Tower.
When a client faces something like the Tower card — which often indicates divorce and sudden, irrevocable change — an intuitive session is a careful balancing act. This takes years to hone as a reader. Be direct but not rude. Give hope but don’t be a unicorn. Lean into the words but don’t absorb their sorrow. Remind them of their happy future self without taking away from this moment of pain. It is there for a reason — and it is their lesson to discover.
None of us can avoid the Tower in this life. It comes, over and over, when we resist change. The best we can do is take our shattered heart, grasp a stick from the rubble and walk on.
It’s amazing what the human heart can endure.
How do I know they will survive a divorce?
If they call for a session, it already indicates a strong intuition in them that will continue to guide their steps. Somewhere, somehow — they know they will survive this pain. In fact, they called this divorce into their lives to be free, whether the breaker or bearer. No more do they wish to experience years of suffering, misery and misguided understanding of what a marriage is, usually taught by parents or religious leaders. They are finally ready to accept a greater self who wants to experience the rest of their life away from a restricted identity found in their dead marriage.
The clients who called years ago, desperately sad, now tell me about their happy new marriages, relationships or new business they have created. They tell me about setting up home offices and silly cat/dog antics. They share stories about vacations, new homes, children who are now college-aged adults and though there were some rocky years with a few of them, they’ve gotten past the pain to a manageable memory.
They love their new lives.
Do any regret their divorce?
Not one of my clients has said I regret my divorce and wish I was still married to that person.
Not one.
If anything, they regret the years spend slaving away trying to make it better. Trying to figure out what was wrong and how do I make them happy (YOU CAN’T). They regret thinking that they had to suffer for love and that marriage meant years and years of bed death. They regret not listening to their intuition that said, Do not marry this person just because everyone is getting married and you don’t want to be single. Do not rush into this relationship. Do not move in. Keep your place. Listen to your friends. Listen to the signs. Reconsider. Do not have children with this person.
But what are lessons if not to avoid repeating them?
If you are alive, there is always hope for a happier life.
Only you can give yourself the gift of freedom. Only you can decide to walk away from the graveyard into a new landscape. Only you can say Yes, I deserve the happy / contented / peaceful life that I’ve always seen for myself. Yes, I deserve the kind partner / great sex / appreciation / unending laughter and good times. Yes, I give that all to myself — and this is where I start.