All 100+ posts of The Reluctant Tarot Reader are paywall free to read. To support me, become a free / paid sub or buy me a coffee.
This is my 20th year in business as an intuitive and during that time, I’ve read many, many people facing divorce, especially in recent years. Mostly women — but a few men, as well. The majority are heterosexual couples with teens or facing empty nest. A few have no children and have stayed in their relationship for decades. Even less are those with small kids and who are the most reluctant to leave a marriage, unless it is so disastrous or abusive that they can’t take it anymore. I always check to see if they have professional support — whether therapist, doctor, healer, minister, lawyer, good friends, etc — because my job has its limits and I am sure to remind them that I am merely offering an unbiased opinion of their situation.
I used to think — why me? I’ve never been married and though I’m happy that gay people have the opportunity, as I fought for the right to do so — I can’t say the idea of civil marriage thrills me. Spiritual ceremony? Monogamous commitment? Sure. Otherwise, I’m a believer in the live apart together model, especially at this juncture in my life. Financial autonomy and a little bit of separation keeps the spice alive, while still being near my partner.
So, when people come to me about a potential divorce, I have to bite my tongue and not impose my vision of a healthy relationship. Sure, my human side wants to scream, Run! Be free! You’ll be happier than ever! — obviously not appropriate. I have to show up as the intuitive I am — and do. These are grieving, frightened people watching their world crumble into bits. They want their marriage to work more than ever. They want the partner back — despite whatever faults and resentments held — because life without them feels worse.
The #1 greatest fear that clients have when facing divorce is BEING ALONE. Why?
The road feels very dark for those facing divorce. Lonely, lonely, lonely is the voice they hear, especially if kids are about to leave the house. They imagine — no matter how intelligent, kind, generous, loving and fun they are — that they are going to walk the road alone to death. Alone, alone, alone. Just me. Alone. They fear this even more than the divorce or financial worry, though those steps overwhelm them, too.
This is the most treacherous time for my clients. To allow or fight pain with all their strength, deluding themselves even further.
I am not a reader who ever says flat out, You are going to get a divorce, even if I feel that their marriage is strongly headed in that direction. It’s their life to do with what they want and things can change, based on how one approaches the situation. To tell them yea or nay is doing them a spiritual disservice. It’s up to them to figure out the mess in front of them, just like we all have to.
It’s true that none of my divorced clients have returned and said, I regret my divorce but I suppose it could happen — and that’s why I stay in hypotheticals. I tune into my client and empathize with their pain. We are where we are — but we won’t stay there. However, I understand what it feels like to be abandoned by your lover. To feel like no one cares. To be desperate to get them back. I understand the lowest of the low. I know what it’s like to be angry and hateful towards myself, disbelieving whenever chaos laughs at me. I understand how exhausting it is to imagine another day doing the merry-go-round of life.
But the Wheel of Fortune turns — and there is always more ahead. Better things. Better times. Better people who fit with the dynamic energy you will become after this.
One of my greatest skills is seeing their future self who advises me of what is (potentially) ahead.
It’s difficult to describe how this works but I can easily see my client years ahead from where they are — and the spread will attest to that, even if I expect to to see horrible cards like Devil/Tower. Sometimes those cards show for the present moment, which would be appropriate — but when I look ahead, the sky clears and they exist in a completely different reality. My job isn’t to convince my client of the potential I see but it gives me hope that they will get through the darkness. Of course, all of them want to feel hope RIGHT NOW — but that can be another disguise to try and rush through the pain.
The pain is there for a reason and cannot be rushed. It sucks but we have to face the reality we’re in. The reality we chose. The reality we created. Tarot readers can’t change it for you, nor should they.
Sure, you can hire readers and advisors who will fill your ears with whatever you want to hear while emptying your wallet. You can hire people who claim that they can get them back or give empty promises that your marriage can be healed.
Perhaps the marriage is not meant to be healed. Perhaps your partner isn’t the person you actually want. Perhaps those “healers” are your Devil in the avoidance of pain.
Choices have consequences. Words cannot be unspoken. That’s the power of manifesting our reality, whether for good or ill.
Mostly, my clients want the pain to stop — but unfortunately what has been shattered cannot easily be fixed. The person who has fractured your world — or you them — cannot be the one to glue it back together. The happiness that has eluded the relationship isn’t going to suddenly show up at the mediation table. The lack of communication skills aren’t going to magically appear during the last days of the relationship.
This is the time of truth, not fantasyland. This is where you see what you have built, ignored or resisted. That’s what reflects when I read the cards. It’s not like the signs hadn’t appeared in your relationship. It’s not like it was a joyous existence and then all of a sudden, the Tower appears to shatter the house of cards.
There are always signs. There are always nudges. It’s up to us to pay attention.
Eventually, things will change, provided that we love ourselves enough to have the support needed to get through this sorrowful time. Pain may not completely end — my heart is still tender over things from the past — but it will mute as we understand our situation in hindsight. You’d have to work very hard to stay bitter and angry over memories when there is so much life ahead.
That said, why are we so afraid to be alone?
I asked a client, If I were to tell you that you will be completely alone after you died — no family, no friends but you lived in an amazing paradise, free, healthy and safe — could you walk with yourself? Would you be happy? Could you provide the company, laughter and joy you seek from others? Could you live with yourself for eternity?
They didn’t have an answer, which I understood from the painful place where they stood — but they liked the question.
That’s the truest question we can ask ourselves. Am I enough for myself? Have I saved up beautiful memories and stories from this time? Am I in tune with Nature as a friend? Could I live with myself for eternity?
If you can’t, then that is where you start, right here in 3D land— because otherwise, no one will satisfy you and you’ll do whatever you can to stave off being alone. One of my favorite quotes is Tolle’s The world isn’t here to make you happy. It’s here to awaken you — but I would argue that you can have both. Awakening and happiness.