The question behind all of the questions from clients.
You might be surprised.
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New brake fluid? You have less than 30k. Lemme see.
I popped the hood while chatting with my potential new mechanic, who walked out of the garage while in midst of a job to check out my car. Friendly small talk helps me tune in and feel the person out before committing to service. Tone, eyes and demeanor, especially as a woman with a man. Yah, you know —recommended service with oil change and all that. Need tires before winter, too.
He pointed to a small plastic holder. It’s clear but low. Don’t need brake fluid unless it’s dark. What you need are pads. Don’t worry. I’ll check everything when you come in.
He then proceeded to tell about a friend who recently died in an accident because they neglected new brakes — house/money issues, no time, etc — though the mechanic warned them to come in.
Anytime I hear a story, I perk up. There’s a reason. He then said another client’s brake job was not done at all because the dealership lied and told her it was complete.
Every car owner’s nightmare.
It so happened to be the dealership I’ve patronized several times and considered for my next service. He didn’t know this.
Can I trust my new mechanic?
Time will tell — but now understand why my pendulum said go to him, rather than dealerships. I’d much rather pay an independent entrepreneur but it’s still a great exercise in trust, unless I’d like to attend mechanics school. Any choice is full of risks but he also risks a ruined reputation if the job is done poorly. He’s already saved me nearly $200 on an unneeded job before I even hired him.
More importantly, can I trust myself? Can I trust my decisions? What if I get screwed? Betrayed?
This is the most important question behind all of the questions that clients ask in session. Can I trust my intuition, after what happened?
This is often from a devastating betrayal, breakup, job offer that went to someone else — or most disturbingly to them, a wrong answer from the pendulum or other tools. It comes from feeling so sure but being so wrong. A less mature soul would blame their reader, family, other person involved but those who are able to see themselves even with self-blame still ask, Where did I screw up — and how can I trust myself again?
With others, it’s a risk. With ourselves, it’s a practice that can strengthen our trust, every time.
I’ll try this guy for service and picture a perfect outcome before I book. If it doesn’t work out, which I highly doubt, there are other mechanics.
However, there’s only one me.
If you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?
When I was deeply entrenched in religion, I was taught that I absolutely couldn’t trust myself. I was a sinner, corrupt and my heart was deceitful above all things. Trusting myself meant I wasn’t putting my faith in God and that meant arrogance, pride and that I was better. Trusting myself would lead me down a path that could end up in disaster. I needed read the Bible, listen to Jesus and the teachers of the church (all men) and ask God to guide me because I couldn’t trust my tainted decisions, sinful as they were.
It took years to untangle this indoctrination and I’m still rooting out the deep, dark holes of miscorrected thinking. If you grew up religious, this is the biggest task: reorienting your subconscious mind to trust yourself. Now, I’m not at all suggesting to put aside faith — but if you can’t trust yourself, who then? An invisible spirit before yourself? A parent? Reader? Partner? No one? Why do you exist with a thinking, brilliant mind? Why a strong intuition? What’s the point? Should we roam around the streets saying, Are you my mother? Are you my mother? Show me where to go. I can’t figure it out! Let me follow you. You make up my mind for me!
Probably not the wisest choice.
Trusting yourself does not mean that you will avoid pain, mysterious paths that do not turn out as you wish or people who will deceive you. The tragedy lies in abandoning yourself.
If you are tuned in, listening to the signs, becoming more aware and regularly practice whatever method makes you feel secure in yourself, then you will more than likely have a happy, productive and protected life — overall. This does not mean that you will avoid pain or a difficult childhood/split. In fact, you’ll probably feel more because of your deep sensitivity. This trust does not mean that people will not betray or abandon you. This trust does not mean that you won’t feel like an idiot at times or worry when money’s low, your partner is acting weird or you just feel like a stressed-out mess.
It means that you will either learn to trust yourself in all things and all ways, even in the temporary dark that will pass — or walk away and leave yourself behind, further splitting apart with each betrayal or misstep.
It’s easier to remember times when we said yes instead of no — or no instead of yes. That time we should have never gone down the aisle but did. That time when we walked into the room rather than left the house. That time he loved me but had another family. That time when we should have avoided the party and stayed home. That time when we stayed in a dead marriage and betrayed the one who loved us. That time when we listened to our parent’s map for our life and left our dreams behind. The one star negative review.
As Milton said in Paradise Lost:
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.
Harder to remember all of the times when it worked out. The times when we listened and everything came together so beautifully, so magically. The easy days. The successful year in business. The accolades and appreciation. Loving friends. Glorious health. Wonderful vacations. Amazing dinner parties. 100 positive reviews.
Who is the perfectionist judge that rules over all of this? Who says we have to be right EVERY TIME? How about 75-90% and we can leave it at that?
If you are the type who likes people but finds it difficult to trust, then experiences will arrive to help you with that. :) Sometimes we just have to let go — and trust another human who, for the most part, are like us with bills to pay and goes home at the end of work to relax. Plus, you can practice and use tools like Tarot, pendulum, wisdom books, meditation, reviews, friends, readers, counselors, etc to help with decisions.
If you are the type who likes to chastise, think you know better, nickel and dime, be a Google doctor, act patronizing to mechanics, landscapers, those in the service industry or who are “below you”, distrust neighbors because you are fearful of “being screwed” — then experiences will arrive to help you with that. :)
If I hire you for a service, why should I trust you? Have you proven yourself worthy of another’s trust?
Just another day in the video game.
Such is the video game here. Such is the experience of being an imperfect human. However, when I can say, You know what? Raven, I love you. You’re/I so amazing. You’re/I doing great. Trust is one of your/my greatest skills. We’ll get through this. You/I am always protected. I/you have exquisite timing in all areas. The right people come at the right time. I/you are always protected.
What I said as I got home: I like how I feel around him. He doesn’t patronize or act like a creep. He complimented when I told him I did a few things on the car. I liked him. It’s a simple job and he has years of experience, just like me. Let’s try it out. It’s okay to trust. I’ve have great mechanics in the past. Lots of proof. Great service guys for the most part who protected me. And there’s always Youtube mechanics for more advice.
With every decision, confusing misstep or amazing outcome, I trust myself more. I love myself with a deeper compassion. If not me, then who do I trust?
Beautifully written and makes a lot of sense.