My 3 greatest "failures" in business.
Experience matters.
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If you missed the success part:
Note: I don't consider anything in business or life a failure. It’s simply experience.
Now onto the not-so-successful — but I’m not the Buddha part. . .
1. I once let people shame me into thinking that I charged too much — or should give my work away for free.
I can recognize the people who once burned my ass at the stake. They’re not the religious folk who fear me (they quietly end up as clients). It’s the ones who come back and think I should give it away for free. They equate healer or psychic with freebie because if I dare charge for my work, I’m a fraud and charlatan.
I already had loads of shame back then: being gay, leaving the church, doing this crazy work. It was a giant hall of mirrors shame.
At the start of my work, I kept my rates low for many reasons. Shame was one of them.
Other well-meaning friends said that since I had a gift, I should not only give it away but let people call or show up at my house anytime they had a crisis.
Want to burn out in two seconds? Try that strategy.
Jesus — the great healer — may have been able to handle large crowds but he also withdrew on the regular. He also didn’t have a car payment.
These are not only the entitled people of all backgrounds who think that life should give them everything they want for free. The more insidious shame comes from the healers themselves who walk around with a HUGE sense of scarcity, whether financial or self-love, egoic sacrificial fantasies or plain ol’ jealousy. I was one of them.
When I worked as a consultant at the wellness center, I was (gently) forced to keep my rates in line with the overall consensus, though I paid a split. Every time I wanted to incrementally raise, it was met with resistance. It’s not that the owner of the center didn’t love me. We had a great friendship. Yet their idea of let’s keep it cheap for the community meant that I was drowning in debt with the suggested rates — but I went along for a time because I had my own imposter syndrome and scarcity mentality.
I sacrificed for the community because I didn’t feel worthy to have a viable business. Not Tarot because it wasn’t a “real job” and I was going to hell, right?
I forgot that many people who claim to be poor come from wealth. They have their own sense of scarcity or like to haggle and keep their dough. I forgot to honor my own sense of value — such as, What is an hour of my life worth? What am I offering?
Once I gained more confidence and loved myself, I began to raise my rates, even as I worried that people wouldn’t return. Those that thought I was too expensive, didn’t. Those who valued my work, did — and brought their friends.
A great vetting process is to raise your rates and see who sticks with you.
If you feel guilty, know that there are PLENTY of readers who give it away for free or have cheaper rates. There is a healer for everyone — but you might not be the one!
I love my clients and it’s VERY rare for someone to complain about my rates — but it happened a couple of years ago. They made a snarky comment over my rates (when I do raise them, it’s no more than $10-15) since the last time we spoke. This was a person from a wealthier background who wasn’t happy about the change.
I did the session, then prompted blocked them from my calendar. I have no time for clients on the shame train now!
You’ll never feel successful if you hold onto clients like this. Consider them your teacher — then move on.
2. It’s hard to believe . . . but I let certain clients walk all over me in the past. It stems from #1.
When you’re broke or struggling, you’ll do things for cash. I did. Nothing illegal or unsavory in this lifetime but I’ve been a prostitute and courtesan in many past lives. I also was a wealthy madam who carried a .38 in her décolletage. Somewhere in my subconscious, there are memories of what it’s like to use, be used or trade my body for money. Let’s just say that I was VERY good at my job.
That was then.
In this life, I’m Raven who helps others gain insight and empower themselves — without trading my body for money. I do, however, trade my time and mind power for money. Call it what you want — a spiritual connection or coaching session — it is a financial transaction between two people.
In the early years, I let all kinds of clients come for a session — without understanding that I could imagine the best, most ideal client for me. I thought it was about their comfort, so I ended up with amazing teachers in the form of energy vampires, needy, clinging narcissists or just mean, selfish people who used me as a punching bag. I had a client show up on my doorstep at 8pm, thinking I would give a session because they were in crisis. They needed a therapist, not me. I had other clients who were pissed that I didn't have the answers for their disaster of a life and dumped their crap all over me. I had other clients who had no concept of being responsible for their own decisions and how they affected others — but wanted me to be part of their blame game. There were clients who wanted a session outside of my calendar times and would write a pleading email — and I’d give in because I felt bad for them and also needed the money.
NEVER do this. Never allow a client to book a session outside of your listed calendar times, no matter how much they beg and cajole. NEVER. If you’re done at 3pm, you’re done at 3pm. Boundaries, baby. Don't take a gig just for money and get rid of these clients (and what is in you that attracts them). Take it from the ol’ prostitute in me.
That said: I do extend time with a known client if we’re in the midst of something during their session and they want to go an extra 15. That’s rare and with very trusted clients.
These were NOT the majority of my wonderful clients at the time — yet the sweet ones you won't remember as much as those who scrape your soul. The selfish lingered until I learned to cleanse myself of the session before and after so I wouldn’t carry them throughout my day.
The hardest lesson to learn was that I wasn’t there to solve their problems or rescue them, nor be a punching bag. I was there to illuminate.
This is why a) I have a mentor and b) I still imagine even now the PERFECT CLIENT because I deserve to feel as happy and positive at the end of our session as they will feel.
It took a long time to build — but I have the perfect client list now. Once in a blue, someone will sneak in to clean up a mutual past life and rattle me. That is rare and I have the tools and insight to heal myself when that occurs. And there’s always that sweet BLOCK button.
3. This is not a failure — but I worry too much.
I once thought that when money stabilized, worry would go away. Nope. Lessen, yes. It’s never about money, even when it seems to be. Money is just a projection. So are the misinformed societal ideas of success; i.e., I should always be busy with no hiccups in the calendar. I should have X amount in the bank account at all times and it should be endlessly GROWING. I should be doing THIS BIG THING and THAT BIG THING to stay relevant (yah, no thanks.)
I mean — welcome to Planet Hiccup.
Worry arrives like a dependable ghost anytime business slows, even after 20 years. Worry isn’t one personality; it has many levels and variants. It’s creative like that!
Reframe: worry is frustrated creativity.
Yet when things slow down — and no business is immune to ebb and flow — if I’m not careful, my energy begins to creep into frustration. It’s not rational; it’s habit. I can easily look at past calendars, monthly/yearly averages and my bank account to assure myself that everything is okay. The days of scrimping are long past.
Yet worry still picks and it’s best not to bat it away because it will only return. It’s like that annoying tune running through my brain at breakfast. Today it was Paula Abdul’s Hey, baby - I’m forever your girl.
Maybe you are, worry — but I laugh as I write this. You know I love ya.
It’s better to ask: What is really bothering me? What’s up, Raven?
I am well aware that my worry is the inheritance from an abusive home.
A product of my sensitivity and keen observation, religious guilt “Honor your father and mother, no matter how they treat you”, emotional unavailable/stunted/traumatized parents and my own sense of never good enough.
Yet it’s not the well-worn paths of childhood trauma. Informative, yes. But not the answer now.
My worry isn’t over a light calendar or upcoming taxes. Been there, done that, got through. Worry points to what has yet to be fulfilled. My dreams beyond Shivaya Wellness, where I live now and how I’ll ever reach an enlightened state. I want everything lit up so I know the path ahead.
Says the Tarot reader.