Mothers, teach your sons about peri/menopause.
Daughters, too. Time to step out of the Dark Ages.
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No one taught me much about periods, pregnancy or menopause.
I was lucky to get a pamphlet when I started having a period but there was no Internet or social media to understand the natural and normal biological processes happening in my body. No, there was church and Jesus and warnings about SEX and MASTURBATION (bad, bad, bad) in youth group discussion circles. My parents gave no education about sex and little information about periods, as if ignoring the issue was the answer. That was their tried and true method. They’d assume I’d be a “good girl” and not cause problems, unlike my other sibling. In high school Health class, we were taught rudimentary ideas about married sex leading to a family and such. I did have a great coach and teacher but still, all of this remained largely in the shadows of Christian high school — until a student became pregnant and either ran away or was thrown out of school, never to be spoken of again.
Avoidance is a common method in evangelical families.
Read the Bible and do not become unevenly yoked. Absolutely abstain from sex and “save yourself” for marriage. That was assumed until my black sheep sibling knocked up his girlfriend and was forced to marry at 17. Then pregnancy became even more fraught and because I was younger and very innocent, I stressed every period, thinking I could become pregnant.
Yes, I’d have panic attacks over my periods in 7th grade, thinking I was pregnant. It happened once — it could happen again. (Just a little Christian joke there, if you didn’t catch it . . .)
You’d be amazed at the ignorance in modern society over meno, yet the $$$ is in peri/menopause. Anyone not speaking of it in their practice ignores billions of dollars — while the wise grow rich.
The above story might seem a little crazy but can be excused because of the times and religious background. It was unfortunate but also decades ago. My parents were emotionally immature, overwhelmed with my other sibling and my poor mother was also going through perimenopause at the same time. She quietly suffered — she was kindhearted but had a bit of a victim mentality — and never took me aside at any point to say, Hey, I want to share with you what happens when you begin to not have steady periods.
It’s not just the church.
It’s 2024. You’d think that women would be able to speak freely about menopause. Men would understand the biological process of peri and menopause. Not so. Even female healers avoid the topic with clients because they don’t want to deal with their own issues over accepting menopause.
I’ve read several clients in the past two weeks, raging with peri-menopause.
All of them span the 40s and I laughed to myself and Oh, I remember those times. They are wild with anxiety, anger or just want to blow the entire structure of their life apart. Many had great mothers who taught about menopause; not so much about perimenopause, which can stretch up to 10 years before you actually stop bleeding for good. Peri — in my non-medical opinion — is MUCH harder than menopause, which is a gift. Yet when we consider how long it takes to get used to bleeding every month with the accompanying emotions and physical pain, it’s no surprise the body needs time to adjust on the other end.
The trial of fire before the treasure of menopause.
Get angry, I advised one client. Be a bitch if you want. For anyone in perimenopause, every dismissed slight, every unhealed aspect, every unhappiness, every word you wish you had said — will come back to present itself. You either deal with your rage — or it will devour you. It is the trial before the treasure of menopause. From 50-52, it is Chiron Return, the mirror that shows how well you dealt with your earlier wounds.
No woman can avoid it.
Your rage is your strength. How you deal with it is entirely up to you. But I can tell you one truth: it will not be ignored. This is why so many marriages fail during peri-menopause. If they happen to escape that time, there’s always menopause to ask again: Are you happy? Or are you wasting your precious and brief life?
We women are meant to carry each other through peri/menopause. We are not meant to do it alone. We need our sisters.
I put my body into early menopause by the power of my thoughts — and also, perimenopause was making me insane. I said, Body, thank you for the opportunity to have children. Thank you for my health and strength. I’m not going to have those children, so you can start closing down the factory now, as slowly as you want. I was in full menopause by my late 40s (full meno is a usually a year after your last period) and believe that I did this not only for health and happiness — but also to empathize with my clients. I am determined to bring menopause into the light and strip away any shame or ignorance.
Why do women avoid speaking of menopause? Idolizing youth, fear of aging and death.
The wise Crone waits. Will you accept her gift?
Now, about those sons.
In my work, I often see the pattern of women coddling their sons while being hard on their daughters. This behavior results in resentful, overachieving daughters who avoid their moms and adult male clients who come for a session, not understanding why their wives want to leave them, seemingly for no reason.
What is the age of your partner? I’ll ask.
You can probably guess the answer.
Do you know about peri-menopause? I’ll ask.
I know a little about menopause. Peri? What’s that?
This from a well-educated, functional male in his mid-40s.
Mothers, please teach your sons about women. Be brave and speak your story. All of it. Sex, period, pregnancy, peri and menopause. Especially peri/menopause, since you’ve experienced it — or will. Not just how to do laundry or make dinner. Perhaps his marriage will be saved because of your honest conversation and he will have no need to call me for a session years down the road.
There is NO shame in menopause. A woman’s body is amazing!
Sure, I’ve had to adjust to different aspects of a body that no longer bleeds. I’ve had to educate myself about how to care for my skin, let myself rest and continue to praise and be grateful for my body. My eating habits have completely gone up a level and I am stronger, leaner and healthier than ever. From what little I heard about meno earlier in life, menopause was terrible, horrible and let’s not talk about it, darling denigration. Hot flashes, lack of sex drive and that ever-present rage. So much to look forward to!
I’d consider that peri, not menopause, which needs the care of whatever medical/therapeutic professional you require. I leaned hard on my acupuncturist, massage therapist, herbalists and other women to help me understand the changes in my body. I dealt with nausea, headaches and all kinds of pain — but knew it would eventually pass. It was part of the process but it’s not like I hadn’t deal with all of that while having a period.
One thing is for sure: I could not have done it alone. I needed my sisters. That’s how I got through and am so grateful to no longer have a period. If only I’d known this before — but that’s okay. Menopause is finally — once and for all — coming out of the Dark Ages in “modern” society. May our daughters and granddaughters benefit from the change.