In praise of relaxation...
my ever-improving life skill.
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I don’t really meditate. It’s boring.
Instead, I relax.
This in and of itself is a great accomplishment. One of the greatest in my litany of life-skills.
It only took me several decades to get here.
This is why I empathize with clients — especially the singles — who fear that life continues to streak on by, whether missing out on yacht club parties, dates or frozen in a boring job because they are the breadwinner.
It’s all the same. There’s life — and I’m over here. Look at everyone on IG! Beautiful! Successful! Married! Gorgeous! They have everything!!!
This affirms my belief that social media is one of the greatest ills ever created for women and perhaps one of most successful psyops, especially on the fragile and those who struggle with self-confidence.
Yes, I understand the positive sides of connection, healing and community, yet I’ve happily lived without social media accounts for years. I recently noticed that Twitter has now locked out non-subs, which takes away any remaining temptation to fritter away my hours. I may even have once believed that those hours could be shelved under relaxation.
My adrenals would argue the opposite.
Who wants to relax when there’s so much OUT THERE?
Often we won’t allow ourselves to relax because we either have a partner who questions what we did with our day or we feel guilty that we aren’t ON all the time. ON with all of the terrible things happening in the “world” (which world?), ON with politics or family drama. ON with reading worthless gossip or finding ways to satiate our boredom or anxiety. ON with all of the mundane things that fill up a day, every day.
Relaxation is a choice.
It was tough for me to learn the lesson of relaxation. Perhaps you may have shared similar beliefs at one time or another.
If I relax outside of approved relaxation times (Sunday/vacations), I’m lazy.
If I relax, I’ll be with my whirling thoughts.
If I relax, I won’t exercise.
If I relax, I’ll miss out on some fun event that I really don’t want to attend.
If I relax, I’ll be seen as a loner and no one will invite me anywhere.
If I relax, I’ll miss out on a partner because I need to GET OUT AND GO FIND THEM.
If I relax, other people will think I’m a lazy slob.
If I relax, I’m not serving others.
If I relax, I’m not doing my devotionals and God will be mad.
If I relax with no agenda, how is that being productive?
If I relax and I’m questioned about how I spent my time, what would I say?
Well, who do you answer to?
I see this so often in sessions. Adult clients answering the parent in their head, paralyzed by fear. Waiting for permission from the disapproving mom. The chiding pastor. The oppressive father. The mean teacher. The restless partner who can’t be alone. Their own perfectionist line in the sand that will never be crossed. Invisible voices that suck every joy because they demand an answer from a conversation long over.
Relaxation is an ongoing practice. It’s allowing ourselves the luxury.
And yes, to relax is a luxury. Just like the yacht club or a new pair of shoes or an afternoon nap. When you learn to relax in a way that works for you, money comes. An ease arrives that once eluded you. Your adrenals begin to trust that you will care for them. When you relax, you will only want more.
Time and relaxation are the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Only you can grant yourself the luxury.