In praise of hindsight.
Even if my job description is foresight.
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When you do this work long enough, clients return with their stories. The mainstays and the outliers both.
The endless, painful divorce is over, even when they didn’t believe it was possible.
The ex — once chased in the months following a separation — is now a temporary irritation and no longer desired.
The closure conversation — once thought necessary but never granted — is now the personal satisfaction of being stronger than ever without it.
The job that didn’t come through — became the promotion/raise/new boyfriend a year later.
The health crisis has passed.
The longed-for grandchild has arrived. And another. And another.
The child has turned a corner and now thrives in college.
The first step to divorce has been made after years of struggle.
The narcissistic parent has died and a new level of freedom has been attained.
The marriage has come.
The beloved dog of the family is now the beloved puppy.
If I’m a Tarot reader, shouldn’t I have seen this so they could have avoided the pain?
No. That’s not my job. What would be the point of living on Earth? Why do we come here? To avoid pain?
Wrong planet!
I’d argue that hindsight is as valuable — if not more so — than foresight.
Hindsight may not arrive with every hangnail scenario in our minds — but wait long enough and we’ll understand why things didn’t work out, the partner left or the beautiful AirBnb was avoided.
Some things look better on paper.
When we can be honest — and unfortunately, it always goes back to our choices — we’ll see why we agreed to be in that situation.
As I went on a walk yesterday, I thought back on a very difficult relationship. When I felt myself grow angry over perceived slights — years later! — I reframed.
I chose to place myself in that relationship. I chose to stay, which meant that I meted out my own form of punishment in the form of abusive behavior and abandonment.
When I think back — with love — on some of the things I endured, I can’t believe that I allowed myself to marinate, rather than flee. The blatant disrespect I showed myself by being in that relationship. The casual dismissal of my own needs and a misguided sense of loyalty that became my betrayer.
Did my foresight save me then? Eventually, once I had the strength to walk away.
Do I regret my experience? No — but I’ll choose a loving way to learn next time, rather than the brutal end and the years of healing that were required.
Did I get my closure conversation? Nope. That’s something I have to live with — and as much as it was wanted, it didn’t arrive. Some things aren’t tied up with a neat bow.
Regardless, the pain transformed into hindsight — and foresight.
Does hindsight help me now? For sure. I’ll never treat myself like that again in any type of relationship. There is so much information gleaned from this experience to be used for the rest of my life — and for the Collective.
Besides, I heard somewhere that we’re meant to live in the present moment . . .