How I live a simple and relaxed life.
Even with my worries, cravings and overall humanness.
I remove all inflammatory foods from my pantry and bake/cook/prepare all meals.
I’m diligent about eating habits and have made it a point for decades to only eat organic/non-GMO/GF foods to the best of my ability and bank account. I’ll regularly go through my kitchen with a pendulum and ask, Does this food cause inflammation in my body? Is my body sensitive to this food? Garlic was the most recent and shocking because I LOVE garlic. Yet I trust that when my highly sensitive body moves away from something I once loved, I’ll follow. We have a great relationship, (even if I’m not this body) and have no interest in fighting or arguing, since she has my best interests at heart.
I do not eat fast food and very little packaged because I do not trust the food system in the US, nor do I wish to add to the plastic crisis. If I ever eat in a restaurant, I make sure it is run by a thoughtful chef who cares about clean ingredients and her customers. My eggs are bought from a local farmer who thankfully has plenty of chickens and I buy food in bulk: beans, oats, coconut flour, almond butter, etc.
Intermittent fasting has greatly improved digestion and overall well-being.
I eat whatever I want from 8-5pm (3:30-4pm is ideal) and only have tea/water at night, which allows 14-15 hours of fast. I’m very in tune with my circadian rhythm (everyone is different) and allowing myself to indulge during daylight means that I have enough fuel to satisfy any craving that may otherwise arise at night. Fortunately, I’ve never been much of a night eater but in earlier times, I was puffy and bloated the next day if I ate a late dinner. A happy body makes for a much easier sitting practice and with very high-quality ingredients, I don’t eat as much.
I avoid people who stress me out. That includes “family”.
Long gone are the days of guilt and shoulds that meant I begrudgingly spent time with people who stressed me out. There are schools of thought that say we should be unshaken by anyone in our presence, so perhaps I’m not yet evolved enough to do so. I simply do not indulge people who stress me out or allow them in my life. I guard my mind as the Buddhists say and allow myself the freedom to invite or deny as I please.
It’s my life. I’ll do, share and allow what and with whom I want.
And as for “family” or those who have history/longevity does not mean they get an all-access pass to my life. That does not mean I’ll drop everything and be there for them because I’m a woman. Nor does it mean they will get anywhere with guilt and “obligation” arguments. My younger self fell for that. Not anymore. Those bridges burned after menopause. My life is so much happier now!
Every day, I sit in silence and learn how to relax. Over and over again.
I really try to not use the word “meditation” because then I tend to fall into religiosity and absolutism. Those shoulds and oughts from childhood church indoctrination. Competition, abject failure, perfectionism. All the uglies.
However, I did tend to enjoy praying as a child because it was an escape from a tense, noisy household and I liked being a Christian then because it gave me a purpose. I felt special and chosen (though that God always did like the boys better). I had devotions and endless conversations I could have with “God” during the time before innocence turned to understanding.
Or, as Xandra says in I Was Once A Person, that was then.
What I’ve learned, sitting in silence, is that I’ve gripped most of my life. Absolute grip and grit. Relaxation almost felt like a sinful indulgence; I mean, if I didn’t have something to do, distract, crave, move, spend, respond, worry, chase, drive, eat, plan, resent, serve, work, look forward to — then what? Like, silence? No thought? No religion? No god? Just sit?
Just me, with me?
Yep.
Hello, Raven. Hello, self beyond Raven.
Every day, I sit — and it’s taken me weeks to find a comfortable way to sit — but I sit. It is every bit as uncomfortable as the 5 day meditation retreat I did years ago. I have plenty of baked-in ways to distract myself. Anything but sit.
But I sit. No music. No plans. No chanting. No prayer. No begging. Just breath — in and out. Sometimes 15 minutes, sometimes longer or shorter. If I find myself making it a competition, I stop and get up, stretch and do something else. I’m kinda obsessed with dharma talks right now from a renunciate who walked away from a “successful” Western life in their 40s — and learn something new every day.
I have no interest in becoming a Buddhist — I’m done with all forms of religion — but ideas discussed in these talks compel my inquisitive mind. Duhkha — disenchantment. Suffering. The roots: greed, hatred, delusion. Noble silence. The eightfold path. Samsara. The release of suffering. Liberation. Perhaps my interest will show up in a future book — but since there is a pull now, I go with the flow until something else arrives.
There’s a reason — and if it’s simply peace of mind, I’ll take it.
Every day, I learn how to relax. Again. Or maybe for the first time.